• A local child, Tiny Tim, has gone missing.
• Authorities ask citizens to please watch where they are walking, as Tiny Tim is no larger than a grain of rice and can easliy be mistaken for an insect
MISSING CHILD
The fork and spoon caused quite a stir last night as they were booed off stage following what critics are calling "the dullest comedy show of the summer."
The show consisted of the comedic duo exchanging a series of cheesy puns, which just didn't appeal to showgoers after having forked-over a considerable amount of cash per ticket.
Jokes such as ...
"Why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife? Because the invitation said to look sharp!"
as well as ...
"What did the plate say to the fork?
Lunch is on me!"
The Christmas Pie Bakery, run by Georgie Porgie and his mother, is known for cooking up flavorful pastries with a side of shenanigans. Buy a pudding pie between now and the end of the month and if your pie has a plastic finger inside, you WIN a free cookie cake!
CHRISTMAS PIE BAKERY DOES IT AGAIN
This holiday season all the King's Horses and all the Kings Men would like to remind human travellers in 4-wheel carriages to "stay in their lane." Outer lanes are reserved for fast-traveling animals who are not pulling cargo such as cheetahs, horses, and emu.
WHOSE
LANE IS IT ANYWAY
Local teen Snow W. posted the photo to her neighborhood bulletin board after being expelled from Imperial High for what she calls, "a big misunderstanding."
The direwolf, named Wendigo, is the students emotional support animal and "gobbled-up" principal Chris P. Gingerbread after he lashed out at her for being late to class.
In response to the news of her expulsion the HS student had this to say, "Wendigo is my support animal, so when he saw me in distress, he took action. It's not like he swallowed him and digested him. He literally spit him back out immediately after I told him to."
HS Student Expelled After Emotional Support Animal Eats Principal
"Zero Forks Given" - Cutlery Comedy Duo Falls Flat
and ...
"I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging. Since then, my muggings have been far more successful!"
... were all "total duds," and landed the duo in hot water.
In a final attempt at humor the utensils shouted "ZERO FORKS GIVEN" as they ran offstage, dodging tomatoes that were being hurled at them by the audience.
Elon Moose, the renowned inventor and entrepreneur has once again pushed the boundaries of engineering. This week, he unveiled his latest creation: a dazzling horse carriage made entirely out of
fairy dust.
The carriage shimmers with an ethereal glow, it's every detail sculpted from pure, shimmering fairy dust. Light as a feather yet surprisingly sturdy, it is said to be capable of soaring through the sky at breathtaking speed, drawn by a team of enchanted pegasi.
"I've always been fascinated by the potential of fairy dust," Elon Moose said at the grand unveiling. "It's such a powerful dust substance, yet we've barely scratched the surface of its capabilities. This carriage is just the beginning."
The carriage is not only a marvel of engineering, but a testament to Elon Moose's innovative spirit and unbridled imagination. It is expected to revolutionize travel in Fairyland, offering a faster, more enchanting alternative to traditional carriages.
Residents are brimming with excitement about this new mode of transport. "This is truly a dream come true," exclaimed Pixie Petaldust, a local flower fairy. "I can't wait to take a ride in this beautiful carriage. It's sure to make any journey magical!"
Fairy dust fuels innovation:
Elon Moose unveils astonishing horse carriage
What's next for Elon Moose?
With the success of his fairy dust carriage, Elon Moose is already setting his sights on even grander projects. He hinted at plans for a flying castle powered by unicorn tears and a self-driving pumpkin carriage fueled by laughter.
"The possibilities are endless," he said with a twinkle in his eye. "Fairy dust is the key to unlocking a whole new world of possibilities."
One thing is certain: with Elon Moose at the helm of innovation, the future of Fairyland is looking bright and full of wonder.
Love Knows No Height: Taylor Slowly
Quickly Finds Love,
With Towering Elf
In a surprising twist of events, superstar Taylor Slowly has captured the heart of a 10-foot-tall elf named Travkel. The unlikely couple was first spotted strolling hand-in-hand through the enchanted forest of Lothlórien, where Travkel resides.
Despite their height difference, witnesses say the couple appears smitten, with Travkel gently leaning down to whisper sweet nothings into Slowly's ear, giggling as Travkel recounts tales of his
elf ancestors.
"It's like a scene out of a fairytale," said one onlooker. "They're so adorable together."
The news of Slowly's elf romance has sent shockwaves through the entertainment world, with many wondering how the couple could possibly make their relationship work. However, sources close to the star say she's never been happier.
"Slowly's always been drawn to strong, mysterious men," said one source. "And Travkel is definitely that. He's also incredibly kind and considerate, and Slowly really appreciates that."
As for Travkel, he says he's fallen head over heels for Slowly. "She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," he told reporters. "And she's also so intelligent and funny. I'm completely carried away."
The couple's relationship may seem unconventional, but it's clear that they're genuinely happy together. And in the world of love, that's all that matters.
In a bizarre and unprecedented turn of events, renowned comedian Kevin Cart was inexplicably frozen in mid-performance during his stand-up routine at Maddy Square Castle last night.
Cart, known for his energetic and hilarious delivery, was midway through a joke about his height when he suddenly froze, his expression contorted in mid-sentence. The audience, initially stunned into silence, soon erupted into a chorus of confused murmurs and gasps.
Stagehands, paramedics, and even a team of magicians rushed to the stage, attempting to thaw the frozen comedian. However, all efforts were in vain. Cart remained frozen, his body as solid as ice.
"It's like he's been hit by some sort of comedic freeze ray," one bewildered audience member remarked.
Speculation as to the cause of Cart's frozen state has run rampant, with theories ranging from a prank gone wrong to a curse placed upon the comedian. Some have even suggested that Cart's sudden freeze is a sign of the impending apocalypse.
As Cart remains frozen in mid-performance, the comedy world is left in a state of shock and disbelief. Fans and colleagues alike are eagerly awaiting news of the comedian's condition, hoping that he will soon thaw and return to the stage.
In the meantime, Cart's frozen state has become an internet sensation, with social media flooded with memes and jokes about the comedian's predicament.
Some have even suggested that Cart's frozen performance is actually a brilliant piece of performance art, a commentary on the fleeting nature of fame and the absurdity of the modern world.
Whatever the cause of Cart's frozen state, one thing is certain: the comedian has once again captured the world's attention, even if it is in the most
unexpected way.
Keven Cart Mysteriously Frozen in Mid-Performance
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